Hello 50!

I've wondered for many years what today would be like. What would I feel? Emotion would be a good word.

I am at an age my mother never lived to see. To me that is very humbling. Why does God choose to bless some people with life and take others at a young age? So at 50, I have to hope that I've lived a life that would honor her memory. I hope I've achieved things that would have made her proud. I'm thankful that in the last 32 years I've never had a day that the memory of her did not motivate me to be more.

At 50, we've raised 2 boys and have one more to go. I'm glad they are strong men. My heart breaks over how little time Drew wants to spend with us, but today I remembered how boys just tend to do that. I also marvel at Matt, who is still struggling to decide what he wants to be when he grows up. Then there is Gabe, who at 13 is 6 feet tall and awkward. Life will be his for the taking! So three boys is a lot to show for 50 years.

At 50, I'm still not finished with my doctorate. That was something I thought would be done. I lack focus and the mental stamina to handle 125 kids a day. Will I finish I don't know, but I'm not ready to give up yet.

At 50, I've had 25+ years with the man of my dreams. (In my dreams he had more money, but that's beside the point). He loves me for who I am, not how I look ant that says a lot these days.

At 50, I've had the career I wanted. (I should be retiring now, but refer back to 3 boys). I always wanted to teach. I still want to know why some kids can't learn and what I'm going to do about it.

At 50, I've been blessed with wonderful friends all over the United States. I'm the lucky one. They have always encouraged, helped, and believed in me. Even when I could believe anymore they were there.

At 50, I've been a Christian for 42 years. During that time I've broke the very heart of God with some of my actions, but I've found that his forgiveness is deeper than the ocean. I've also found that he never left me, even when I walked down dark paths he was there. That is something that is unfathomable.

At 50, I have very little patience for pretense. It is what it is. The good, the bad, and the ugly all have a place in life and make us stronger. Embrass them for the road is often rough.

In my next 50 years, I'm going to embrace JOY. I don't know how yet, but I'm going to find it in the little things of life. A nice breakfast with my husband. A silly prank he plays after buying me a new cell phone. In cooking for friends and family. I'm not going to worry so much about the "what should have beens", but embrace the what "ares"! I'm going to sing Bonnie Raitt at the top of my lungs and one day I'm going to get out of the car and dance on the side of the road to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" just because!

So 50 Hello...I think I'm ready!